In the memoir, Jay's Journal by an anonymous writer, the character is the type who tries to do good, but always falls back to doing bad. He conflicts and fights with himself ultimately resulting in him taking his own life. This shows that when you take life and family for granted, nothing good comes out of it, only heartache, disappointment, and in this case him taking his life.
In the beginning of the book, he seemed very angry that he had to keep a journal, until he finally gets comfortable writing in it. "But then somehow I got into seventh grade and started smoking shit and stuff I don't know, I guess it really was in seventh grade when I started getting off track"(p.7). He admits that when he was just in seventh grade and he was already getting into drugs. ". . .but I'm not really a whole person without them"(p. 10). He is very fond of his best friends Brad and Dell, and he doesn't feel complete without them. He likes this girl Debbie Dale, but the only problem is, she used to use drugs. In many cases when someone falls for someone who used to use, it doesn't turn out good. " Dad came in early and caught me stealing the pills for Debbie"(p.26). His dad has just got him this job in his pharmacy so he could make some money. Debbie needed more "ups" so she used him to steal them from the pharmacy, and he did. He got caught and almost had his dad closed down, which means seven employees would loose their jobs.
He gets sent away for his actions. After a while, Debbie wouldn't even write back to him, which upsets him because he did so much for her. "I'm the dumb bastard that took the fall while she goes right on licking her chops"(p.32). Now he feels dumb because he got into all this trouble, his family is mad at him, and Debbie doesn't even have the respect to write him back. He misses Brad and Dell and admits he's actually scared. "You gave me life Then put my hand in yours and led me on my way Till I rebelled and lost myself. Please do not let me go. I need you so."(P.43). He is finally starting to realize that his family is important to him, and they care about him. He starts getting his life back on track. "We were all on a natural happy high"(p.54). He didn't need to smoke to be happy, for once he felt good without being actually high. He is getting his life back together again.
At the climax of the story, he met a girl named Tina. She was sweet, the only problem is, she was very interested in witchcraft and voodoo, and based her actions on the Ouija board. "Then we messed around for a while with the Ouija board and the crystal ball. Tina said they had both told her emphatically that she was going to win the election, that's why she never had any questions"(p.125). Tina believed everything she did on the Ouija board. This made Jay uncomfortable because Ouija boards, voodoo, and witchcraft is all based in evil spirits.
Jay's two best friends both died after they "sold" their soul away. Jay was a mess knowing his friends weren't with him anymore. He always felt sick, couldn't eat or sleep, didn't feel like himself. He was always feeling evil around him, even his little brother didn't recognize him. "One night while we were out Jay took a 22-pistol, put it to his right temple, and pulled the trigger"(p.228). The pressure was too much for Jay. His two best friends gone, his family kind of scared of him, and he felt evil all around.
Jay took on too much for him to handle. He tried to do so much with school, get back on track, that it just made him crash. It is horrible it had to got to him in such a way that he felt the need to take his own life.
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